Hearing Your Ex Is Getting Married
by Dear DDD

Dear DDD,

There is nothing worse than hearing that your EX is getting married. Today I met a friend for coffee and this was the topic that consumed our conversation. Oh, how it brought back my own memories of the first time I heard about my EX’s new marriage.

My coffee cooled as I listened to my friend share her feelings – and her feelings were all too similar to the emotions that I felt when I was faced with this day.

It feels like yesterday when a friend called me on Christmas Eve to tell me the devastating news. She and her husband were invited to a New Year’s Eve Party hosted by my EX and (as they wrote on the invitation) “his soon-to-be-wife.”

(Of course I begged my friend to tell me the details of the invitation and, hesitantly, she did. And, of course, it got worse with every word.)

“Please help us celebrate the New Year and our new life together.”

As I listened to every detail of the invitation, I began to feel nauseated. I’m telling you, a dagger stabbed me in the heart, spun me around and left me for dead.

I was hurt. I realized at this moment that I had truly failed at my marriage and there was no chance of ever being a family again.

Suddenly, I thought of that famous scene from the movie Carrie, when Carrie is announced prom queen – she stood so proudly on the stage in front of everyone, joyfully receiving her award, completely unaware of the fact that she would soon be the laughing-stock of the whole school.

And then this scene began to continuously play in my mind:

I stand at the altar, so beautifully dressed in my white gown, the happiest moment of my life, surrounded by friends smiling at me while I listen to my EX recite his vows.

“To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

But as he says these last words, the blood filled bucket above me flips and dumps its contents, leaving me standing there, dripping red, in front of the laughing crowd.

“Who did he invite?”

As I listened to the list of attendees, I realized this would also be the day that many friendships would end. Hello there, extra dose of disappointment.

And then, the worst realization…how am I going to tell my kids? “I have great news for you guys, Santa is going to bring you the best present this year, a new mommy!!”

Could it get any worse?!

In time, I healed. I made new friends and I finally began to look back with laughter.

This is the part I shared with my friend today – everything is going to be okay, and in time, she, too, will look back and laugh.

“Look at it this way, we will always be the first wife and will never be a sloppy second. We didn’t fail at all, we taught our EXes to be better men; and he’s the new wife’s problem now!”

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