by Dear DDD

Dear DDD,

This morning a friend sent me a copy of an article her teenage daughter wrote for her school newspaper.

Young or old, we all get caught up in Cupid’s sweet madness, hoping for that special someone to bring us candy or flowers or just to hear them say, “I love you.”

Unfortunately, that pain-in-the-ass cupid needs more target practice and when his arrow does pass us by we need a back up plan – so here is Jessica Romoff’s Singles Guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day.

1. See “50 Shades of Grey” in theatres
Make sure to sit next to a couple. Continually comment on how awkward the movie is: out loud.

2. Go get sushi
Make up awkward scenarios involving all the couples around you.

3. Watch “Twilight”
Analyze how creepy Edward is. Thank god you’re not in a relationship.

4. Photo-bomb couple pictures
Go to the promenade, it will be flooding with awkward middle school relationships: your ideal victims.

5. Post pictures on Instagram
Inform all of your insta followers of the romantic date you and your In-N-Out burger are on.

6. Go see a good 70s horror film
The Amityville Horror. The Omen. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Remind yourself what happens when relationships go wrong.

7. Buy the last of the Valentine’s Day chocolates
​Make sure that the last minute people rushing to get their lover a present have nothing.

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