by Dear DDD
“For God’s sake, GET OVER IT!!”
NO, NO, PLEASE tell me she did not say that to me. Again.
Yep, she did say it again.
But that was the third and final time she will ever say those words to me…
I went to New York this weekend for my niece’s engagement party. It’s always great to go home to see family but it doesn’t take long before tension starts brewing; mouths start moving and comments suddenly shoot across the room.
Family – you have to love them but at times you want to kill them.
My mother, sisters-in-law and my nieces met for a girls’ lunch and I thought, what a great way to start the celebration weekend! I was surrounded by everyone I love, all my favorite woman, great conversation, amazing food and too many glasses of sangria. I was starting to feel a bit tipsy, my words were slurring and jet lag was setting in.
When out of nowhere…
“So I hear your EX is in town this weekend. He said he may stop by the party.”
Umm… did I just hear someone say, my EX may stop by my niece’s engagement party?!
“Excuse me?” I managed to utter before choking on a piece of apple from the sangria, getting the Heimlich from a friend and spitting fruit wine all over my youngest niece. Nice.
“Who told you this?”
My sister-in-law casually said, “Now, now, don’t get your panties in a ruffle. Your EX emailed me last week congratulating me on my daughter’s engagement. He mentioned he was going to be in New York this week and said he may stay the weekend. He said if he was still in town he would like to stop by the party to say hi, so… I told him to stop by.”
You did what?
Then they came… the words that she has said to me twice before – after which I had promised myself that if I ever heard this from her again, I would grab her by her neck and choke her like a chicken.
“Oh, get over it already.”
Suddenly, the happy, loud, drunken group froze. Tension filled the room and slowly, one by one, every woman there had to “use the ladies room.”
So, I didn’t choke her but I did unleash a bit of built up rage:
“I AM over it and I’m sick of you saying that to me. He’d better not show his face this weekend. How dare he and HOW DARE YOU for not thinking about my feelings.”
My sister-in-law’s shock lasted only a moment before she responded, “Well it’s true. It’s been a long time and you need to get over it. I would love to see him.”
WTF?! I can’t believe the nerve of my EX – how dare he invite himself to my family’s party? When we were first divorced, my miserable ex-father-in-law forbade everyone in his family from ever speaking to me again – and if they did, they would pay a price. From that day forward, I never heard from anyone in his family. My EX hates my family! He says mean and degrading things about them constantly and now my pompous ass EX wants to stop by the party?!
Again, I implore you… WTF?
Well, here’s my answer to that:
Over my dead body will he casually stop by. When my EX and I have to be in each other’s company for our children I always take the high road and I try my hardest to be nice. Being invited to any events for my family is crossing the line.
If my EX did show up, my family would be courteous to him, avoiding confrontation and would go out of their way to make him feel comfortable.
Why would my family want to be nice to a person who made me go through hell? How quickly everyone forgot the mean things he did to me, the mean comments he made, the mean wishes he wished (like wanting me dead in a gutter).
I am over it! But this doesn’t mean I will ever forget. Saying those words to me was like a slap in my face. What about my feelings, and what about family loyalty? I don’t want to be friends with my EX; I don’t even want to be in the same room with him unless it’s absolutely necessary.
It is mind-boggling to think my EX wanted to come to my family’s event but maybe in his mind, he knew showing up at that party would bother me, make me feel uncomfortable and ruin my night. Was this his agenda? To rub his popularity among my family in my face, and to make me look like the crazy scorned ex-wife that “can’t get over it?”
It was clear that no one in the group understood why I was so irate. My mother rolled her eyes and sent me dirty looks from across the table to deter me from any confrontation. I was obviously the bad seed that ruined our lunch, all because I didn’t let my sister-in-law’s comments go in one ear and out the other.
Enough is enough!!
I calmly stood up, walked over to my sister-in-law, grabbed her as if I was going to kiss her good-bye, and whispered into her ear, “It’s him or me. And if you ever say “Get over it” to me again, then those will be the last words you and I ever speak to each other. Am I making myself clear? Great! So, ‘Get over it!!’”