by Dear DDD
I have to tell you, I hate the month of January.
January: the first month of a new year, named after Janus, the God of beginnings and transitions. Also, January comes from the Latin word for door, since January is the door to the year.
In my eyes, January is the month of let downs, stress and planning – and it’s the month when a heavy door slams hard in my face.
I find myself very lonely in the month of January. After the excitement of the holidays, the hustle and bustle of shopping, wrapping presents, and holiday parties, the month of new beginnings opens a door to disappointments. Everyone is wiped out from the fun month of December, which brings an eerie social silence to the month of new beginnings. It’s as if my friends have been swooped up from an alien invasion, leaving their cell phones and myself behind.
My new beginning is welcomed by a maxed out credit card bill from spending way over my budget on holiday shopping. My January comes with stress to plan a new year’s budget to help pay for all of the stuff I just purchased – the thoughtfully planned gifts to keep everyone happy and to make Christmas a memorable event.
The excitement of my new beginnings, and strong will to stick to my New Year’s Resolutions, are fading quickly. I find myself in a vicious cycle to hold strong, keeping my head slightly above water and trying not to let my actions of over spending and past stupidity bring me down. Unfortunately, stress takes over and now I am struggling against giving in to old habits from the year past; stressful eating, constant money worries, keeping the kids on their paths, decisions about my future and the biggest thorn of all… dealing with my miserable EX.
The miserable thorn that just won’t go away.
Okay, January. You want new beginnings? This year I will be stronger than ever. I am determined not to let the door of new beginnings slam so forcefully in my face. It is me and my strength alone pushing forward with all my power that will keep the door even slightly ajar for change and a new beginning that I so deserve.