My soon to be ex husband is living with another woman. Every year he depended on me to organize his Christmas Cards for his company. Yesterday, he called me and wanted to know if I had ordered his card. I don’t want to piss him off but I don’t think I should have to do this. What should I do?
I am sorry you have such an obnoxious knuckle head soon to be EX. It is no longer your responsibility to help him with his company Christmas Cards. Learning to say NO can be difficult, it will get easier in time.
This is what I would say to him.
“As much as I would love to help you organize your Christmas Cards, the answer is NO.” “Christmas Cards are not included in the divorce package that you signed up for. I am sure (name of woman he is living with) would love to help you.”
I am sure he knows that he can’t count on the woman he is living with to do this, nor does she want to.
“In the past I have purchased your Christmas Cards from …, I will text you their number.”
I hope this helps,
I am about to go through a divorce myself,.and no matter what I do to move on I still feel that I did something wrong. Then I realized that, I am not in the wrong. It’s going to take some time to get over it but how long will that be?
I’m sorry you’re going through this process of DIVORCE. Blaming yourself is a very common feeling that we all go through when faced with this. I am so happy to hear that you have come to terms with your negative thinking. Resolving negative thoughts is a huge step towards your healing. Just because your marriage didn’t work doesn’t mean you’re a failure, you have a lot to offer the world, and the right people in your life will recognize that. As for moving on, there are factors to consider: How long you were married, do you have children, etc.
The divorce process is a grieving process, and if you rush through this process healing will never take place. Surround yourself with friends who love you and who will be supportive. Every day is a new day, every day is a step forward to healing. You will know when your grieving is over!!
Keep me posted,
Although we are not married we are loving together with our 1 year old daughter and my 6 he old daughter from prev marriage. We moved in together when baby was born and had been together a year before she came. Since moving in he became physically abusive while he has always been mentally/emotionally abusive I stayed for the baby. I’ve caught him asking other women out on texts and FB multiple times. I recently caught him again and was already in the process of knowing the relationship was over this last incident was the nail in the coffin. I have up a good paying job by his request and had been a stay at home mom for a year and got a job back in sept. My question is I know I need to leave but he is the bread winner and find I don’t have the family around or have enough $ to make it on my own with 2 kids. I feel like I’m drowning and dont know how to get out..he doesn’t want me to leave but I deserve a happy life and so do my daughters..any advice? Thank you!!!
You will drown if you let someone else drown you. You are strong and capable of living a happy life without this jerk. I am so proud of you for recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship. The fact that you recognize this, is the first step to swimming to shore.
If he is physically abusive you need to leave immediately. You have to be strong for your children and you need to get out of this relationship. This is not just about you anymore. You said you do not have family around. Have you spoken to them about your situation? You need to reach out to family members or a friend and let them know your situation. You need a place to go, family and friends can be a temporary solution until you get on your feet. You have a job and this is another step in the right direction. If you where capable of having a good paying job not to long ago, you are capable of finding another.
It is very helpful to have documentation and proof that you are being abused. Since children are involved it is imperative to prove to the court that this jerk is abusive. Take pictures, keep a journal and call the police when he is abusive.
Once you find a place to go, you should gather up your personal things, important documents and leave. Leave when he is not home so he does not hurt you in return for leaving him. You and your children deserve a happy life, never let anyone take this away from you.
I have been divorce for 4 years. I have moved on. I bought my own house, started dating again , but my heart will not move on. It’s stuck on my ex and I feel tortured everyday. I’m so tired of feeling this way. I need some advice how to get passed the heartache.
That damn heart!!! Buying a new home and dating are both important steps of the healing process. Buying a new home can be both frightening and exciting. Dating and forming new friendships/relationships makes you feel good. Now lets get to the point of why you may be stuck. It sounds to me that you have been very busy. You need some time to pamper and love yourself.
STOP torturing yourself!! When you let go of the past, you will find peace. Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.
You answered your own question: “You are so tired of this. ”
“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
You can do this, keep in touch.
An unexpected thing happened to me yesterday. Here I was, CLEANING out photo boxes on shelves (heeding your January advice, I might add…), when I came upon the Mother Lode in photos of me and “The Ex” of, oh, 25 years ago!
Why do we SAVE those stealth bombs, anyway?
I was taken off guard by the happy ones among them that I had decided long ago to hold onto. I found myself feeling nostalgic for the guy who was so much the argumentative type that he could pick a fight with the potted ivy in front of me as where I sit writing this!
But, there we were in the pictures, just guffawing our heads off over something no doubt stupid in an alley behind a rehearsal dinner downtown. There we were again in the background of a San Fran Golden Gate bridge picture with smiling friends in the foreground and him hunched behind me faking like a spider was in my hair. The last one was our honeymoon, two tanned 20-somethings hugging each other so tight, despite snorkels and fins and masks while playing on some sugar sand beach.
I had to put them down.
We had a friendly-enough break-up: no other lovers in the wings, no deep dramas, no emotional warfare, no kids, just your basic incompatibility issues rearing their heads. Our friends divided themselves neatly down the middle; half to him, half to me. It was so anti-climactic, that divorce.
Except for one thing…
He has never spoken to me since the day of our divorce. He closed the door by saying he had never befriended any of his ex-girlfriends and he just could not with an ex-wife, either.
But, this guy had been my best friend?
For me, I assumed that even though we could not be married and be happily fulfilled, we could try to be friends someday, salvaging the one true thing worth saving…not simply beacause we shared so much of our lives for many years together.
How could he shut the door so easily?
Look, I am not waxing sentimental for the marriage (I am very happily remarried for 21 years now.) But, Madame Divorce, do you think there is room for friendship to find its way between two people who used to be in love? Am I dreaming?
Thanks for the help.
I’ve been with my husband for 6 years now, married for 4 we have two beautiful boys together. My youngest is 5 months old my oldest is 3. I found out when I was 4 months pregnant with my second son my husband was having an affair for three months. Well that evening he told me he was going to cut it off with her and work on us. Well about 4:00am he comes home and says” I have something to tell you” I just started bawling well come to find out she was pregnant! 2 months pregnant! Well me and him had out ups n downs he fought with me almost causing miscarriage twice with our son. I set In the ER alone during both times. I went to every doctors appointment alone. Many sleepless nights! Well finally when I had my second baby he told me he wanted to really work on our marriage and out relationship! That he’s never loved a woman the way he does me, told me I was perfect. Wonderful mother and wife and he couldn’t ask for a better woman! Well the other woman had her baby and it looks just like my husband! The first time I seen him holding her baby I broke down! After that I told him it was either all of me or none of me! He can’t have two women at the same time is unfair! He’s still coming home to me and treating me better n we don’t fight but I can’t help but think of divorce and leaving him completely! I don’t think he will choose between me and the other woman. I feel I’m going to have to make that choice n that would be me leaving! I love this man with all my heart obviously cause I’ve stayed with him even after all that has been done! But I’m not sure what I should do! I’m so torn! I don’t stay cause our children cause no matter what they will be taken care of! I stay cause I love him!
I have to tell you, your a better person than I. I would have left as soon as I heard that your husband was having a baby with another woman. I’m interested in knowing your husbands response when you told him, “It was either all of me or none of me.” You are 100 percent correct!! Your husband cant have both of you at the same time. Having a baby with another woman while married to you makes the situation very complicated. Your husband cheated on you, and had a baby with another woman and he did this while being a father to your children and being married to you. Does your husband come home every night and is he still spending time with the other woman? Your husband has really screwed up, and his actions have not only hurt you but have hurt your two children and the child that he had with this other woman. I am so sorry he did this to all of you. I can’t tell you what to do, only you can make that decision. I can tell you that love is mutual and what he did to you is not part of the love agreement. I see it this way, once a cheater always a cheater. I would not be able to stay with him knowing he has to support this other child and knowing he needs to communicate with this other woman(the mother of his child). I am sure he just cant walk away from the situation and I’m sure this other woman is demanding support to help raise this child. What a mess!! Please respond to my questions and maybe this will help you see the situation a bit more clearly.
Waiting to hear from you,
My ex-husband of 18 years left me for another woman. He was living a double life for the last 3 years of our marriage. He was so sneaky, manipulative and evil that he fooled not only me and our 2 kids but our friends, family, co-workers…just about everyone in our lives. They had bank accounts together, arranging to buy a house together and we’re setting up the perfect divorce (making myself and her ex the crazy ones to blame) That plan finally backfired when I found out about the affair.. on accident…with 1 text on his work cell. One text message and my soul went spiraling down to nothing. Mt life was taken from me. Everything I worked so hard far, all the morals I believed in and instilled in my children…GONE. my entire life was artificial…fake….NOT REAL.
It’s been 3 years now. I have a live in childhood boyfriend who I’ve know for 37 years and love. My problem is…I have SEVERE trust issues. And it’s bad. I can’t shake the horrifying thoughts and doubts about everything and everyone. I’m afraid I’m going to never trust again. Its hurting my new relationship with my boyfriend and its hurting my relationship with myself. I went from hero to zero and cant get my self back. Im nit eben as close with ny kids as i used to be. I dont like me. I have never talked to anyone about this professionally or friends. I have no desire to explain anything to anyone. They will never ever understand the betrayal I’ve endured. My protector, lover and best friend was my absolute enemy…my worst nightmare. I’m lost and I wanna trust again??????
I’m about to start my divorce process. I feel good about it, but I’m still scared. I’ve been married for over 10 years. I have two beautiful children who I love and adore more then anything in this world. About two years ago I informed my husband that I wanted a divorce, but he wants to stay married. I’ve explained to him that our marriage can not be fixed. He has done so many wrongs to me including cheating, being rude and nasty to my family, and controlling just to name a few. He moved out of the house over a year ago and I started dating. A few months later I come home from work and he moved back in without telling or asking me. Which made me feel highly uncomfortable. We continued to be separated, but living in the same house. I didn’t tell him that I have been dating this really nice guy I meet for months. It was one of the things I got to enjoy that he couldn’t ruin. I eventually told him. Unknowing to me that he would try to use this against me and try to make me stay with him. So I told him that I wouldn’t see they guy anymore. I still keep my stance and let him know that I want a divorce and he needs to move out or help me move out. I continue to see the guy I have been dating. Recently my husband (being controlling) somehow contacted this person and told him that we are still married and together (which is not true), and asked him if we have been seeing each other. The person I was seeing answered his questions and my husband told him not to inform me that they talked. Of course the guy I was dating call me right away, because he didn’t want me to be blindsided. I haven’t told him any of the bad things about my marriage. Luckly for me he still wants to be a friendly support system for me. Which I will not ask him to do, I don’t want to bring drama his way. Now my husband is trying to use this against me and make me stay with him. I’ve talked to my brother and he gave me a referral to an divorce attorney. I know things are about to get really nasty. I want to know how do I protect my kids from their father trying to turn them against me? And them being ponds in his game?
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