Hearing Your Ex Is Getting Married
by Dear DDD

Dear DDD,

There is nothing worse than hearing that your EX is getting married. Today I met a friend for coffee and this was the topic that consumed our conversation. Oh, how it brought back my own memories of the first time I heard about my EX’s new marriage.

My coffee cooled as I listened to my friend share her feelings – and her feelings were all too similar to the emotions that I felt when I was faced with this day.

It feels like yesterday when a friend called me on Christmas Eve to tell me the devastating news. She and her husband were invited to a New Year’s Eve Party hosted by my EX and (as they wrote on the invitation) “his soon-to-be-wife.”

(Of course I begged my friend to tell me the details of the invitation and, hesitantly, she did. And, of course, it got worse with every word.)

“Please help us celebrate the New Year and our new life together.”

As I listened to every detail of the invitation, I began to feel nauseated. I’m telling you, a dagger stabbed me in the heart, spun me around and left me for dead.

I was hurt. I realized at this moment that I had truly failed at my marriage and there was no chance of ever being a family again.

Suddenly, I thought of that famous scene from the movie Carrie, when Carrie is announced prom queen – she stood so proudly on the stage in front of everyone, joyfully receiving her award, completely unaware of the fact that she would soon be the laughing-stock of the whole school.

And then this scene began to continuously play in my mind:

I stand at the altar, so beautifully dressed in my white gown, the happiest moment of my life, surrounded by friends smiling at me while I listen to my EX recite his vows.

“To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

But as he says these last words, the blood filled bucket above me flips and dumps its contents, leaving me standing there, dripping red, in front of the laughing crowd.

“Who did he invite?”

As I listened to the list of attendees, I realized this would also be the day that many friendships would end. Hello there, extra dose of disappointment.

And then, the worst realization…how am I going to tell my kids? “I have great news for you guys, Santa is going to bring you the best present this year, a new mommy!!”

Could it get any worse?!

In time, I healed. I made new friends and I finally began to look back with laughter.

This is the part I shared with my friend today – everything is going to be okay, and in time, she, too, will look back and laugh.

“Look at it this way, we will always be the first wife and will never be a sloppy second. We didn’t fail at all, we taught our EXes to be better men; and he’s the new wife’s problem now!”

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The Month Of New Beginnings
by Dear DDD

Dear DDD,

I have to tell you, I hate the month of January.

January: the first month of a new year, named after Janus, the God of beginnings and transitions. Also, January comes from the Latin word for door, since January is the door to the year.
In my eyes, January is the month of let downs, stress and planning – and it’s the month when a heavy door slams hard in my face.

I find myself very lonely in the month of January. After the excitement of the holidays, the hustle and bustle of shopping, wrapping presents, and holiday parties, the month of new beginnings opens a door to disappointments. Everyone is wiped out from the fun month of December, which brings an eerie social silence to the month of new beginnings. It’s as if my friends have been swooped up from an alien invasion, leaving their cell phones and myself behind.

My new beginning is welcomed by a maxed out credit card bill from spending way over my budget on holiday shopping. My January comes with stress to plan a new year’s budget to help pay for all of the stuff I just purchased – the thoughtfully planned gifts to keep everyone happy and to make Christmas a memorable event.

The excitement of my new beginnings, and strong will to stick to my New Year’s Resolutions, are fading quickly. I find myself in a vicious cycle to hold strong, keeping my head slightly above water and trying not to let my actions of over spending and past stupidity bring me down. Unfortunately, stress takes over and now I am struggling against giving in to old habits from the year past; stressful eating, constant money worries, keeping the kids on their paths, decisions about my future and the biggest thorn of all… dealing with my miserable EX.

The miserable thorn that just won’t go away.

Okay, January. You want new beginnings? This year I will be stronger than ever. I am determined not to let the door of new beginnings slam so forcefully in my face. It is me and my strength alone pushing forward with all my power that will keep the door even slightly ajar for change and a new beginning that I so deserve.

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A Photo Competition With My Ex
by Dear DDD

A Photo Competition with my Ex via @divorcedrama

Dear DDD,

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but a picture of your children is priceless. Today, having a cell phone with a camera makes picture-taking, and sharing photos, easier than ever. At any given moment, I am ready; a snap here, a snap there, “Smile,” “Say Cheese,” and I can capture that special moment. My EX and I don’t often see eye to eye, and communication is usually a nightmare, but sharing photos with each other is where we excel in the co-parenting department. We are actually courteous to each other when we are sharing photos of our children. Sharing our photos gives each of us the ability to hold onto the memory of a vacation, special event or a time when our kids were just being silly. For years our photo communication has been great but recently our picture sharing has taken a turn for the worse. (more…)

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When Your Youngest Gets His Drivers License
by Dear DDD

When your youngest gets his drivers license. Why am I feeling so sad? via @divorcedrama

Dear DDD,

My youngest child is out the door this morning excitedly greeting his driving instructor for the first time. I can’t believe my baby is preparing to drive. It feels like yesterday when I desperately chased behind him as he took off on the sidewalks driving his battery operated Hot Wheels truck. As the door shut behind him today, I suddenly felt a feeling of sadness.

Why am I feeling so sad? (more…)

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My Ex’s Demand For The Kids To Have A Cell Phone
by Dear DDD

#DivorceDrama My Ex wants my kids to have cell phones via @divorcedrama
Dear DDD,

Tonight was a girl’s night out with friends. Dinner, a few drinks, and then the conversation really got rolling. Listening to the recent details of everyone’s lives, what their children have been up to and the dilemmas some of us are facing brought to me a sigh of relief. The back and forth chatter enlightened my own daily drama of family, kids, and an EX husband. One conversation that seemed to get a lot of attention was regarding cell phones. Who knew a conversation about cell phones would bring anger, frustration, opinions and a lot of advice.

A newly divorced friend was aggravated that her EX was constantly calling her home looking for their children. (more…)

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